Are You Getting Your Fix or Your Fuel?

“You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Til’ it’s Gone.”  The lyrics of Cinderella take me back to the day, the days of my first true, “love.” I often think about my life in songs and these are lyrics that have meant different things to me at different times in my life. This particular quote has been sung and said many times over, it's a common saying in all walks of life. It’s often used to describe the loss of a true love; one you took advantage of or took for granted. It has often been said with ill intent by one person in the relationship to the other. It’s often thought of with regret and wonder about how things might have been.

   

What in the world does this have to do with food, let alone gluten, you ask? Well, let me begin to connect the dots. 

I take the 40 minute drive to and from work two days a week. First this sets me up for plenty of alone time to reflect and let my thoughts sink in for more than a second at a time. It’s sort of like a mini-vacation, (but let’s keep that between you and I). There’s nothing stressful about my job and I actually enjoy every part about it. But there was a time that I threw this job out the window, and never looked back. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

It was three years ago that I was so sick (unbeknownst to me that I was suffering symptoms of celiac disease- see this post for more detail about my diagnosis), that I realized I had to put my health first.  No amount of money could keep me away from taking care of myself. I knew that if I didn’t take care of myself I wouldn’t be able to be the mom or wife I had to be.

Back to today. I am back to working at the same job I quit three years ago. After two years they decided they loved me enough to take me back and offer me a pretty sweet position that is perfect for me and my family at this stage in my life. 

Today, I gazed out the window and across the parking lot at the pizza joint I used to frequent when I worked there during my pre-celiac diagnosis. I remember at the time the feelings I got when I thought about eating there; how I couldn’t wait to go into my zone at the one step above a hole in the wall pizza joint where I would indulge in the “two pieces of pie and Pepsi,” deal. I remember sprinkling the crushed red pepper and parmesan cheese on the top of the slices, filling my diet Pepsi to the brim, grabbing the local paper to look at and sitting down at a booth in my own little world away from work. 

My head was down most of the time, nose in the paper, and I looked up periodically to see local construction workers or contractors coming in for the same deal I was getting. I was most always the only woman, let alone the woman in business attire not ashamed to be scarfing down greasy pizza. As I left the pizza place I made sure to get a refill of my diet Pepsi to keep me going for the rest of the day at the office. This was my normal way of life. I never thought a bit about calories or ingredients. As long as my scale stayed the same, I was good. 

(I won’t repeat myself with my ideas about health now compared to how I thought of them then. The post about Food and the American Dream gives you a great idea about the twisted ways in which we view health in today’s society.)

I remember now how I felt when I even thought about eating and then how I felt after I ate. These things are important to note. This realization has been an important eye opener not only to how I view food, but how I view and viewed life. I had no idea I was looking at food the way I was until it was gone.  

The gluten is gone, and now I can see!

What feelings did I have about food? Well, my heart would skip a beat when I thought about the pizza and Pepsi I would reward myself with after the hard work I did that morning. It was something I deserved and was entitled to, feeling good for what I thought would be long term, but looking back only lasted temporarily. I would go throughout the day like a drug addict, looking forward to my next fix. If you told me this back then, I would have looked at you like you were crazy, and now I can say I was arrogant. I was clueless. I had no idea I felt or thought this way about food until I didn’t have it anymore.

So, today when I was thinking about getting a mid-afternoon snack, I gained a new perspective. 

http://forearthssake.com/

Of course, I wasn’t going to mosey on over to West Ave. Pizza. In fact, it’s neat to think that I will probably never step foot into that place again in my entire life. And I feel really good about that. Instead I would go to the other side of the building and cross the street over to For Earth’s Sake. Ironically this store wasn’t there when I quit my job three years ago, but it was there conveniently waiting for me when I started back working at the same place six months ago.

I was thrilled when I discovered this place. It was like walking into heaven my first time there. For Earth’s Sake carries supplements, makeup, and foods, (fresh, frozen and packaged). Most of the foods are gluten free and most all items are non-GMO. The owners take special care to ensure that the products they carry are friendly to the Earth as well as to the body.

As I was walking to the store to pick up my Kevita probiotic drink (my treat when I want a fizzy taste that I used to get with soda), and goji berry energy bars (raw natural) for a mid-afternoon snack, I noticed that the way I thought about this food was not the way I used to think about my pizza. There was no rise in heart rate or racing thoughts and most of all there was no let down when I was done eating my food, only satisfaction.

I had an epiphany on this bright sunshiny day! I used to be looking to food as my fix, but I am now looking at food as my source of fuel. Not only physical fuel and energy to get me through the day or few hours, but long-lasting real sustainable fuel. Fuel for my mind to do way more than I could have ever imagined when I was clouding my mind and vision “on” gluten. 

I realized that the way I thought about life was different too. I used to be hurried and impatient, not appreciating or noticing the small things in life. (I thought I was doing these positive things, but I wasn’t). I didn’t know what I had until it was gone, and what I had was a major obsession with food! It occupied my thoughts and distracted me from facing things I had to face or from thinking about things I wanted to think about. If I was upset or stressed, I would eat. I felt good after I ate, but only temporarily until I got my fix again. I had the perfect formula for what would manifest into pre-diabetes for some people, but  for me manifested into celiac disease. 

Thinking back on my first love and then the other “love,” that I thought was “the one,” I am so thankful that I lost him, (them) and they didn’t want me back. My vision was clouded when I had what I thought that was love, but was just instead was a cheap imitation. It's a lot like that with food, specifically gluten (and sugar). Gluten which is broken down into sugar has a way of satisfying you short term, then making you want more. There are actual physiological processes that take place when we consume food that most of us never think about.

Now that what I was afraid to lose is actually gone, I realize ALL that life has to offer me. And, not only what life can give me, (selfish thinking), but what I can give life. 

I think you have a lot to offer life too! You may not know it because you’re holding on to what you have for fear that once you lose it you'll regret it, but I would argue the contrary.  That's just the fear telling you lies. Or on the other hand, maybe you know what you'll have and you're afraid to really feel completely good- with no strings attached.  

Whatever it is, I ask you to dig deeper. Take some time to go for a drive, clear your mind, sing the songs of life and ask yourself some questions.

How do I look at food? Do I crave it? What do I crave? Does it make me feel good temporarily or does it satisfy me long term? 

Then ask yourself: Is the way I think about food similar to how I look at life? Is the way I'm ’re looking at food holding me back from being all that I can be?  

Why not give up what I suspect is holding you back, and see? Join me in my next Gluten FreeChallenge beginning on May 12^th. You won't regret it!